We often think about testimonies as the story of how a person came to Christ, how they found Jesus and devoted their life to him. But it should be more than that. It should also be the daily work God is doing in your life. An everyday testimony, if you will.
However, first I want to start with my stereotypical testimony...
I was basically born and raised a Christian. That's kinda what happens when you grow up going to church your whole life, especially as a preacher's kid. You don't really have a choice for the first several years of your life, not that I wanted one. I embraced Christianity from a young age. I was reading kid's Bibles from the time I could read, was baptized at age 8, basically believed that everyone I knew believed in God too. When I realized a friend of mine wasn't a Christian, I basically tried to thrust Christianity upon her, and while she initially said we could believe different things and still be friends, I didn't know how to handle the fact that she didn't know the Lord and Savior I cherished so dearly and kept trying to push my beliefs on her. As expected, we gradually grew apart, but I still pray for her and love her dearly, and we reconnect every once in a while just to catch up.
When I was about 11 or 12, I felt the Holy Spirit enter my life for the first time. It was one of those weird things where I was struggling with something, but then started praying for other people and suddenly just felt overwhelmed by... something. I didn't know what at the time, but now I know that was the moment the Spirit of God entered me. So even though I'd been baptized a few years prior, that was the moment I truly gave myself over to Christ. Around that time, my dad and I also started one of those read-the-Bible-through-in-a-year programs, which we did for a few consecutive years together. This allowed me to simply soak in scripture. Because of this and my early passion for Jesus, I was told quite a few times by different people in middle school and early high school that I was wise for my age, had strong faith, and was a great example of what a Christian should look like. I considered myself to be humble and, ironically, was proud of that (only to later realize that it was false humility). I believed I was a strong Christian, so I slacked off when it came to pursuing God wholeheartedly. I still read my Bible, prayed and wrote in my prayer journal, went to church, knew the answers, and lived as the person they believed to be a good Christian, but my heart wasn't all in. I started half-heartedly reading the Bible, sometimes skimming instead of soaking it in. I didn't think about what I was praying for. I still believed wholeheartedly that God was real, but I couldn't feel him moving because I wasn't seeking him the way I'd used to.
I felt stuck. That feeling stayed around for a while until, for a few years, the only place I felt close to God was at Christian summer camp. So, I embraced my time at camp, which isn't a bad thing on it's own, but because of where my heart was at and the reason why I reacted this way, it wasn't the healthiest move on my part. Then, I felt like God was leading me to go to Cornerstone for college. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I figured, why not study psychology and see where it takes me. But, college was busier than I expected, and I slacked off of seeking God even more. Oh, I still had perfect chapel attendance and knew about God, but I wasn't seeking a relationship with him. I stopped reading the Bible everyday, which is something I had been doing for as long as I could read. I prayed less frequently. Yet, at the same time, I learned more about God than I'd ever known before, as well as about myself. But it wasn't a relationship with God. It was more like, for example, a sports fan who knows everything they can possibly know about their team, the players, the strategy, and the sport itself without actually knowing the team personally or being a part of it. Or like a fan of a movie star who can tell you everything about that actor's favorite color, pet, or other random facts you can find online, but without having ever met the person. That's not a relationship, that's a fan base. And that's what I was for God: a fan. (If you've ever read the book Not a Fan, you know that Kyle Idleman explains this better than me.)
So, I wanted to do something about it. I took a class where we had to read the entire Bible in a semester, and I realized that while it was a cool experience, that's not how I wanted to study scripture. I wanted to be able to take my time and read what I wanted to read without feeling forced to read several chapters a day to stay on track for a class. I wanted to be able to meditate on what the Bible says, so once this class was over, I eventually picked up an old devotion book and started using it everyday to motivate me to keep going. Some days, I only read the two-minute devo and move on with my day. But other days, especially when I can set aside a bit more time, I'll read entire chapters instead of just verses, or I'll jump around, reflect on what the Word says, or pray about what I'm reading. And it's been fantastic. I also started meditating again, something I hadn't done in a long, long time, as well as spending time alone with God, whether that be in nature or some random stairwell on campus. Through this, I have found it's easier to listen for what God is telling me, because I'm actually trying to listen. God's there if we're willing to seek him, so I decided to start to again. I even decided to fast from food one day, just for the day, to place myself in an intentional position of being in complete dependence on God. This was an amazing experience, even if it was a challenge not to eat cake the one night they had it in the dorm...
I've also been challenged a lot situationally this year. I've had a few friendships that have kinda fallen apart a bit this year, one that basically collapsed, and it's been difficult to get through. But, God has shown me he's with me every step of the way. I've grown a lot through these experiences, even if it's felt like a disaster. It was these times that God showed me the most that he is with me. I think God's just kinda like that: he uses the hardest moments to remind us of his presence more so than the easy times. But maybe, that's also because we're less likely to seek him out when everything's going fine and dandy. But when our world shatters, we may immediately turn to him and ask, "Why?" One thing that God's been reminding me of lately is that he knows what he's doing, he's got it all under control, and there's a reason for what's happening that I may or may not get to understand someday, but not yet. Not today.
He's also shown me that he provides what I need when I need it, and trusting him allows me to be open to those things, such as randomly being given the opportunity to lead on a ropes course at a camp in Minnesota. It's a job I've never experienced before in a state I've never visited, but this just kinda showed up one day, and it must've been from God, because I don't think I would've sought it out on my own. Same goes for a class trip to Europe, which I not only wouldn't have sought out, but wouldn't have had money to pay for if it weren't for God. He's cool like that. He provides just exactly what you need whether you realize you need it or not. That's not to say God's just gonna drop a random job or trip in your lap, but when you're willing to trust him to handle your plans and actively seek out what he wants for you to do, he'll show you. It may take a bit of time, and definitely takes trust in him, but he'll show you.
God has been showing me that he's shaping me into who he wants me to be, something I prayed about a few months back in my prayer journal. He's also been showing me that he's preparing me for... something. I don't know what yet, but when God ignites a passion in you about what the church is compared to what it's supposed to be, you can be sure God's got something in mind for you to do about it, even if you're not there yet. I know I'm not there yet, and that God is still working to grow me and get me to that point, but that's okay. Sometimes I forget this fact, but periods of growth are important too. And maybe, that's exactly what God wants for me right now. Or maybe, he wants me to start doing something about it, like starting a blog or podcast to share some of my thoughts (something else God has kinda been directing lately)... Regardless, God knows what he's doing. I'm just kinda tagging along for the ride, enjoying where I'm at, taking things one step at a time, and waiting to see what's next on God's agenda.
However, first I want to start with my stereotypical testimony...
I was basically born and raised a Christian. That's kinda what happens when you grow up going to church your whole life, especially as a preacher's kid. You don't really have a choice for the first several years of your life, not that I wanted one. I embraced Christianity from a young age. I was reading kid's Bibles from the time I could read, was baptized at age 8, basically believed that everyone I knew believed in God too. When I realized a friend of mine wasn't a Christian, I basically tried to thrust Christianity upon her, and while she initially said we could believe different things and still be friends, I didn't know how to handle the fact that she didn't know the Lord and Savior I cherished so dearly and kept trying to push my beliefs on her. As expected, we gradually grew apart, but I still pray for her and love her dearly, and we reconnect every once in a while just to catch up.
When I was about 11 or 12, I felt the Holy Spirit enter my life for the first time. It was one of those weird things where I was struggling with something, but then started praying for other people and suddenly just felt overwhelmed by... something. I didn't know what at the time, but now I know that was the moment the Spirit of God entered me. So even though I'd been baptized a few years prior, that was the moment I truly gave myself over to Christ. Around that time, my dad and I also started one of those read-the-Bible-through-in-a-year programs, which we did for a few consecutive years together. This allowed me to simply soak in scripture. Because of this and my early passion for Jesus, I was told quite a few times by different people in middle school and early high school that I was wise for my age, had strong faith, and was a great example of what a Christian should look like. I considered myself to be humble and, ironically, was proud of that (only to later realize that it was false humility). I believed I was a strong Christian, so I slacked off when it came to pursuing God wholeheartedly. I still read my Bible, prayed and wrote in my prayer journal, went to church, knew the answers, and lived as the person they believed to be a good Christian, but my heart wasn't all in. I started half-heartedly reading the Bible, sometimes skimming instead of soaking it in. I didn't think about what I was praying for. I still believed wholeheartedly that God was real, but I couldn't feel him moving because I wasn't seeking him the way I'd used to.
I felt stuck. That feeling stayed around for a while until, for a few years, the only place I felt close to God was at Christian summer camp. So, I embraced my time at camp, which isn't a bad thing on it's own, but because of where my heart was at and the reason why I reacted this way, it wasn't the healthiest move on my part. Then, I felt like God was leading me to go to Cornerstone for college. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I figured, why not study psychology and see where it takes me. But, college was busier than I expected, and I slacked off of seeking God even more. Oh, I still had perfect chapel attendance and knew about God, but I wasn't seeking a relationship with him. I stopped reading the Bible everyday, which is something I had been doing for as long as I could read. I prayed less frequently. Yet, at the same time, I learned more about God than I'd ever known before, as well as about myself. But it wasn't a relationship with God. It was more like, for example, a sports fan who knows everything they can possibly know about their team, the players, the strategy, and the sport itself without actually knowing the team personally or being a part of it. Or like a fan of a movie star who can tell you everything about that actor's favorite color, pet, or other random facts you can find online, but without having ever met the person. That's not a relationship, that's a fan base. And that's what I was for God: a fan. (If you've ever read the book Not a Fan, you know that Kyle Idleman explains this better than me.)
So, I wanted to do something about it. I took a class where we had to read the entire Bible in a semester, and I realized that while it was a cool experience, that's not how I wanted to study scripture. I wanted to be able to take my time and read what I wanted to read without feeling forced to read several chapters a day to stay on track for a class. I wanted to be able to meditate on what the Bible says, so once this class was over, I eventually picked up an old devotion book and started using it everyday to motivate me to keep going. Some days, I only read the two-minute devo and move on with my day. But other days, especially when I can set aside a bit more time, I'll read entire chapters instead of just verses, or I'll jump around, reflect on what the Word says, or pray about what I'm reading. And it's been fantastic. I also started meditating again, something I hadn't done in a long, long time, as well as spending time alone with God, whether that be in nature or some random stairwell on campus. Through this, I have found it's easier to listen for what God is telling me, because I'm actually trying to listen. God's there if we're willing to seek him, so I decided to start to again. I even decided to fast from food one day, just for the day, to place myself in an intentional position of being in complete dependence on God. This was an amazing experience, even if it was a challenge not to eat cake the one night they had it in the dorm...
I've also been challenged a lot situationally this year. I've had a few friendships that have kinda fallen apart a bit this year, one that basically collapsed, and it's been difficult to get through. But, God has shown me he's with me every step of the way. I've grown a lot through these experiences, even if it's felt like a disaster. It was these times that God showed me the most that he is with me. I think God's just kinda like that: he uses the hardest moments to remind us of his presence more so than the easy times. But maybe, that's also because we're less likely to seek him out when everything's going fine and dandy. But when our world shatters, we may immediately turn to him and ask, "Why?" One thing that God's been reminding me of lately is that he knows what he's doing, he's got it all under control, and there's a reason for what's happening that I may or may not get to understand someday, but not yet. Not today.
He's also shown me that he provides what I need when I need it, and trusting him allows me to be open to those things, such as randomly being given the opportunity to lead on a ropes course at a camp in Minnesota. It's a job I've never experienced before in a state I've never visited, but this just kinda showed up one day, and it must've been from God, because I don't think I would've sought it out on my own. Same goes for a class trip to Europe, which I not only wouldn't have sought out, but wouldn't have had money to pay for if it weren't for God. He's cool like that. He provides just exactly what you need whether you realize you need it or not. That's not to say God's just gonna drop a random job or trip in your lap, but when you're willing to trust him to handle your plans and actively seek out what he wants for you to do, he'll show you. It may take a bit of time, and definitely takes trust in him, but he'll show you.
God has been showing me that he's shaping me into who he wants me to be, something I prayed about a few months back in my prayer journal. He's also been showing me that he's preparing me for... something. I don't know what yet, but when God ignites a passion in you about what the church is compared to what it's supposed to be, you can be sure God's got something in mind for you to do about it, even if you're not there yet. I know I'm not there yet, and that God is still working to grow me and get me to that point, but that's okay. Sometimes I forget this fact, but periods of growth are important too. And maybe, that's exactly what God wants for me right now. Or maybe, he wants me to start doing something about it, like starting a blog or podcast to share some of my thoughts (something else God has kinda been directing lately)... Regardless, God knows what he's doing. I'm just kinda tagging along for the ride, enjoying where I'm at, taking things one step at a time, and waiting to see what's next on God's agenda.
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