Having issues with someone? In a toxic friendship or relationship? Feeling tempted to run someone over with a truck? We all have interpersonal issues (hopefully you don't actually want to run them over though...). My question is: are we handling them in a godly manner?
We're called as Christians to love the people around us. So if I'm in conflict with someone, even if it's not my first thought or instinct, I should think about how I can respond to them in a loving and Christ-like way, and so should you (figured I should call myself out first before calling you out, I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here). It becomes tricky when the conflict you're having with someone affects you and your health though, right? If you're in an abusive relationship, whether physical, mental, sexual, emotional, or whatever other form of abuse it may be, people will likely tell you to get out of that unhealthy relationship, right? Honestly, I hope that's what people would say. But (and the million dollar question is...), is this biblical?
As Christians, we're called to love our neighbors as ourselves and treat others the way we want to be treated. We're called to forgive the people who've wronged us, and God will forgive us as we forgive others. But what does this mean for those relationships? Should we stay in an unhealthy situation despite the pain, or should we distance ourselves from the person who has wronged us?
Remember what Jesus told about how many times we should forgive someone? In Matthew 18, Jesus says to forgive how many times? Seventy times seven! Luke wrote that every time someone repents (a fancy way of saying they ask for forgiveness and say they'll never do it again), forgive them. Every. Single. Time. If someone repents, forgive them. If they don't repent, you should still forgive them. It's in the Lord's Prayer: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." We ask for forgiveness, but we also need to forgive others the same way God forgives us. Basically, Jesus says to give people second chances (and third, and fourth, and, well you get the idea), but he doesn't say we have to stay in unhealthy situations to do that.
If it's an abusive situation, forgive and move forward. Freely forgive in the future too. That doesn't equate to staying in that relationship or even reaching a point of reconciliation, but it means that if they wrong you again and again and again, forgive them each and every time. Easier said than done, I know. However, you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship just because you forgive the person.
We're called to walk with the wise (Proverbs... well all of Proverbs really but I'm in chapter 13 right now), not fools. Surround yourself with wise, godly influences. These are individuals who won't hurt you, or at least won't keep hurting you over and over without repenting and trying to do better next time. If someone, especially a fellow Christian, is sinning against you repeatedly with no remorse, they're not someone you need to keep associating with. In fact, the Bible says to do the opposite. What? Really? I know, this is new for me too, but Matthew 18 also teaches that if a fellow believer has sinned against you, then you should confront him or her about this sin lovingly. If they don't listen, try again with one or two other people. If they still don't listen and repent, then as a last resort take the situation to the church. Then, if they've continued refusing to acknowledge and turn away from their sin, treat them as you would an unsaved person. That person is not godly, and on judgment day, they're not gonna be too happy when they find out where they're going.
1 Corinthians 5 adds on to this that if someone claims to love Jesus but lives in sin and won't change their ways, then don't even eat with them (but eating with unbelievers is different because we need to tell them about Jesus, like Jesus did). Titus 3 teaches us to avoid arguing over unimportant matters (like the church carpet) and to warn people who do so once, then twice, then have nothing to do with them. 2 Timothy 3 says to have nothing to do with people who live in terrible sin (there's a list) and deny the godliness they could be living out. We still need to forgive people in all of these instances for how they've wronged us, but we don't have to stay friends with them or keep listening to their teaching if they've proven themselves to be ungodly. The exception to this is in marriage, but 1 Corinthians 7 explains that best if you're looking for more information (as opposed to me sidetracking even more than I already have; if this is of interest, let me know and I'll dive into it another time).
The point is: we need to be forgiving people, but that doesn't mean we can't take care of ourselves too. I think God gave us these commands to encourage us to do just that. I've found myself in a situation where a fellow Christian has wronged me again, and again, and again. More times than I even want to count, but I also went to them over and over and over in the hopes that they'd turn it around and flee from their sin. It wasn't until very recently that I realized God gives us freedom from the hold such relationships can have on us when we forgive, let go of the situation by giving it to God, and move forward. We don't have to stay trapped in the abuse, in the sin-filled person's life. It's God's job to discipline them (and he disciplines his children, see Proverbs 3), not mine. All I can do is keep praying for the wrongdoer. God wants us to take care of ourselves too, and sometimes, for your own well-being (whether physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.) what you need to do is get away from the sinners that have hurt you again and again with no remorse. If they repent, forgive them and work to rebuild that relationship, but if they don't, forgive them and move on to wherever God's calling you next.
You'll be amazed by how free you'll become.
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