We all suffer at times. We all go through hardship, experience pain and grief, carry the weight of how people have hurt us in the past. No one is exempt from this in a sinful world. Yet, as Romans 8 teaches, God not only looks out for us and teaches us, but "we know that in all things God works all things out for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose" (verse 28).
That's hard to believe sometimes. In all things? Even in the pain and heartache of broken relationships and being sinned against? Even in our sins? Even in abuse?
It's true. In all things, ALL things, God works it all out for good. How? I'm still not always sure how, but I've seen some clear examples, and He's so good! We will have trouble in this world, but God will bless us for our faith in Him when we endure. At times, that may just mean heavenly blessings, but I've seen a lot of earthly blessings poured out as well. Credit where credit is due, that's all God.
Sometimes it's a friend to lean on when you're going through a difficult time. It could just be a shoulder to cry on, or maybe it's someone you hadn't heard from in a while checking on you to see how things are going and how they can be praying for you. I've received both, and they're huge blessings during hard times. Even more so, when groups of people know what you're going through and are praying for you? You can move mountains with that kind of support. I've pretty recently been on the receiving end of a LOT of prayer, and I've had peace that makes no sense when I should be a broken-down disaster (by the world's standards, of course), strength to do what's right and necessary, and hope for a future I never thought I'd see while still facing an insurmountable (that is, by my own strength) heap of unknowns and an insane amount of pain to heal from, but God's already started that work in me.
Other times, it's financial help you weren't expecting. I've had money show up that I have no idea where it came from. Bills have been paid when there wasn't enough in the account, and we never over-drafted. Help paying for a vehicle showed up in an unexpected way. A church support fund provided for some necessary work on our house. God is a provider, and He has the capacity to provide no matter the circumstances. I've seen that first hand. How He provides won't always look the same, as God likes to mix it up sometimes to keep us on our toes, but He's faithful to give what we need. Shoot, years ago someone at church (to this day I have no idea who) saw that my family needed a new vehicle and they bought us a van! Who does that? God does, by working through people and situations you never would've seen coming.
Even more so, God can heal in mighty ways. I mentioned before He's currently working in me, healing me from both long ago and pretty recent pain-filled, heart-breaking, toxic situations that were not safe to remain in. Time and again, God has pulled me out of a sinful, dark relationship that has torn me down and built up unrepentant sin (or even seemingly repentant sin that's proven to be full of false promises, beaten-up boundaries, and lack of true action). The only way I've survived some of these disasters is by clinging as tightly to Jesus as I can, even when all I can pray is, "Jesus". There's power in His name, and the Spirit of God knows what I need and prays the rest on my behalf (Romans 8 assures this truth), because I don't have the words. Maybe God's healing is strengthening you for the next relationship that will cause you to feel this kind of pain and pull you through the ringer, or maybe it'll help you not to enter into such an unhealthy, unsafe place moving forward. Maybe it's really just so you can help someone else out of their own dungeon. I'm not yet sure how God's using my situation, but I can see how He allowed me to go through some pretty terrible messes so I'd be prepared for this point. I wouldn't have been able to survive if God hadn't prepped me beforehand, and I certainly wouldn't have reached a point where I knew I had to get out of an unsafe place. I might've lived my whole life and eventually died in that situation, if it wasn't for God's grace and preparation. He is so good! He knows what we're going to do before we ever do it, so He knows what we need to face the situations we're inevitably going to walk through. Just because you and I don't see how things could possibly work out now, or how God could ever have a plan for your pain and hardship, know that it's all part of a bigger picture that you can't see yet, but He'll show you in time, and then everything will fall into place and make sense.
Years ago, I didn't know how living with a toxic person could prepare me for something bigger, but it did. Then, I didn't know how wrestling through a family member living in unrepentant sin would affect me or lead me to understand the Bible's truths on sin among believers, but it did. Now, I don't know how what I expected to be a lifelong relationship falling into shambles is supposed to prepare me for what's next, but I see how what I went through before prepared me to handle this situation as well as I can, so I have faith that God works it all out in the end.
I'm not saying you should ever stay in or endure an unsafe or unhealthy situation. God doesn't want His children to suffer, especially not for years on end. No one should have to endure pain and suffering forever. There are seasons we endure difficulties for a time, and seasons we don't. Ecclesiastes 3 lays out beautifully that there's a season for everything. A time to laugh and dance, and a time to mourn. A time to give, and a time to refrain from giving. A time to stay, and a time to go.
A time to die, and a time to live.
You may have noticed I switched those around. A lot of these examples list the seemingly happier or "good" thing before the seemingly worse or "bad" thing (not that mourning, refraining from giving, or leaving are "bad", but they're often seen that way by the world or even Christians). Yet in my situation, I was dying inside, and I thought it was the "good" thing to remain in the very situation that was killing my character and my spirit. It can get messy and confusing when you're doing what seems like the "right" thing, but it's destroying you and doesn't feel like it's aligning with the Bible's promises for your life.
Unpopular opinion: maybe the supposedly "right" thing to do is actually the wrong one, because it's killing you. This does not apply to all situations, but in the case of a consistently unsafe situation that's physically and/or emotionally tearing you apart, it 100% does because that's abusive. Nobody deserves to stay in an abusive situation, especially for years on end with fruitless effort to make it better, because it's the "right" or "godly" or "loving" thing to do. Anyone who's told you otherwise is a liar and deserves to go to hell for that, unless they repent of course. God does not want anyone to remain in an unsafe relationship. If you're in such a relationship, read that again. That's not love, and I will die on this hill if I must.
God is a provider of peace in the hard times, of strength for when you can't keep going, and of comfort when there's none to be seen. He's also love. It's not that He's just kind of loving or it's part of who He is. God is love (see 1 John 4). Love does not wish harm or suffering on others, or delight in seeing pain. Love does not let someone keep getting hurt forever unless the person refuses to leave the unsafe, hurtful situation. Love does not cut you so deeply and so consistently that you lose who God made you to be and don't even act like yourself anymore. Love protects and cherishes people. Love protects and cherishes you, and me. Love delivers promises that while there are times and seasons for pain and difficulties that will come in this life, they are not forever and there is always hope for the next season around the corner. It may not be an easy or wanted season around the corner, but it's always different than the one you're in, unless you're choosing to stay in the pain that's familiar and aren't willing to embrace what God is willing to do in your life. That's the season I'm coming out of right now. I tried for many seasons to heal trust and secure boundaries that kept getting crushed, to fix what wasn't mine to fix, and even to endure mistreatment for the sake of it being the "right" call. God is helping me out of and freeing me from that now.
His grace extends beyond all seasons. He'll let you stay in a bad, unsafe place as long as you decide to, but He offers a way out to save you from further harm too, and He hopes you'll take it but will not force your hand. If you need help to find that way out, pray and ask Him for help, and go to somewhere safe. Immediately. None of this is to say you should give up in a hard season or abandon relationships out of being sinned against, but it is to say if the sin and lack of safety is extending well beyond a season and this relationship is full of unrepentant sin or false promises of repentance without real change (and you've done what you can to confront that), that's not somewhere you need to stay, ever.
All of this is to say, no matter what you've gone through or are going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. God works out all things past, present, and future for your good and for His glory. He's working in you and me every day that we seek Him, and sometimes even when we're not actively seeking Him, to turn it out for our good, because He's called us for His purpose. It may not always look you'd expect, and He may not remove you from a situation of pain and heartache, but He certainly doesn't want you to stay in a season forever. He loves you enough to help you out of it and step into the next carefully-planned season He's prepared you for, but He's also patient and will wait until you're willing to accept His help and move forward. The Israelites may have walked around in the desert for a long time because of their sin, but it wasn't for forever and eventually God's promises to them were fulfilled. Jonah didn't stay in the mouth of a fish. Daniel wasn't destined to rot in the lion's den. Peter wasn't imprisoned for life. Jesus wasn't dead forever. There's a time and season for everything, but pain's time and season is not eternity, at least for those who love God and accept His freely-offered salvation. God will always bless and watch over those who love Him. He'll gladly work all things out for your good and wants you to walk in love, joy, and peace. And in the end, what will be left to say? Nothing but, "Thank you God! You did this. All the glory here is yours." Amen.
Note: if you're in an unsafe, abusive situation or relationship, please get help!!! God does not want you to endure abuse for the sake of your relationship, whether it be a friend, family member, or spouse. Call the police if you must, and get somewhere safe. Doesn't matter where, as long as it's safe. If He loves you enough to send Jesus to die for you, then He loves you enough to save and free you from this abuse. If you'll let Him, He'll change your life and use it all for your good, dear child of God, and for His glory, but you have to take action and embrace whatever that next season looks like to step out of the abuse. Let the old season of your life pass and move on to embracing His love for you, only possibly returning to the relationship if it's proven safe to do so. Don't lose yourself for the sake of an abuser; you're worth too much to God for that. He does not want you to stay in abuse for your whole life. Praying for you, Amen.
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